The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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