I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
