If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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