so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
