I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
