i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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