R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
