So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
