wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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