she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
