8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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