I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize