it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
did you just send me my own nude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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