I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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