Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
