She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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