Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
