A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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