my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
