what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
