i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
