hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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