Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
