Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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