Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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