suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
try to milk me bitch
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