I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
