I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
