was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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