dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
