Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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