what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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