I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
