I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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