I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
