It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
