Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
