Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
