bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
