I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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