I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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