She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
