i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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