not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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