if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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