so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
