new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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