two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
