I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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