Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
