She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
