Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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