y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
