I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
