i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
