Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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