A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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