so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
