life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
