Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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