My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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